During the past two weeks, I have made one of the toughest decisions by far, which was closing the 3 years love story that I was a part of. The decision was extremely difficult and draining, especially since I had to mentally prepare myself to be on my own after so many years of being dependent on another person. At the beginning of my junior year, I decided to start setting aside money for what I deemed to be an emergency situation. Due to the emotional toll of this breakup, I decided to use some of my emergency money to take a short day trip to the beach.
I’ve always loved going to the beach, especially being able to sit on the shore and watch the waves crash into the sand. I loved the gentle breeze that brushes along my skin to cool it down against the burning heat from the sun. Lastly, the ocean is endless, I especially enjoyed starring mindlessly and let my thoughts and worries be cast away by the waves.
It is okay to seek solitude in order to find peace and courage to start over.
One of the closest beaches to where I live was Wrightsville Beach in Wilmington. Since it was post-summer, I was able to avoid all of the hectic traffic of visitors. Along with a friend, I checked into a hotel right on the beach. It wasn’t the nicest hotel, but for the price and the location, I was more than happy with the accommodations. I still put in some effort and made sure the hotel had decent reviews so I can calmly enjoy my stay.
Upon arriving in Wilmington around 1 pm, we decided to grab lunch at a small taco shop. The weather was lovely when we arrived, blue sky, gentle breeze, and a nice temperature of 91 degrees. For lunch, I decided to get the shrimp taco, served with a side of mango salad. The sweet and sour taste from the mango along with the pungent flavor of the red onion paired perfectly with the seasoned shrimps,
Since our check-in was at 3 pm, we decided to visit USS North Carolina, which was a battleship turned museum. The battleship was located across from downtown Wilmington, proudly and gloriously with all of its might even after WWII.
We checked into the hotel around 3 pm and decided to hit the beach right after. The water was comfortable, not too cold. I relaxed and enjoyed the beautiful scenery, taking in everything around me and reevaluated my mental state. In the back of my mind, I was actually beating myself up for “running away” from my problems rather than being present to deal with it. But then I remembered a piece of advice that my roomie sister once told me “bamboo tends to snap back stronger after being bend backward”.
The trip wasn’t just an escape from my heartbreak, it was also an escape from myself. After being dependent on someone for so long, I always looked to others to validate everything I’ve done. So when I decided to go on the trip, I was feeling uncomfortable because I kept telling myself to stop being selfish. The act of going on the trip was my way of confronting myself for all the time of self-neglecting and allowing myself to relax. As I reflect on my current state, I think my next chapter is going to be about making myself happy. Not my family, not my friends, or my significant others.
Ultimately, I cannot pour from an empty cup. By filling myself, I am going to be able to pour to others in my life.